yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
