if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
