They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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