Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
