Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
