Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
