They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
