Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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