I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And then he peed in my hair
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