pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
handjob tips. give me some.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i've created a new STD.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I deserve this hangover.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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