You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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