I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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