well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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