My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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