there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
