I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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