he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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