I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
