I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
