Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize