We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My ass is underappreciated
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
