Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
