On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
