There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize