Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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