peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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