Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am puke
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
