Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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