i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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