They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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