did you get engaged???
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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