It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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