I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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