What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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