Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
