Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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