She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
