oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
