I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
