My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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