i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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