so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
