I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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