yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
