I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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