I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize