i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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