the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
