Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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