Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
