You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
smell my finger.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
