I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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