I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize