I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
