I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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