listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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