no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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