U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
