Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
