i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
