all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
