I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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