Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
