FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this boner is exhausting
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize